Here We Go Again

Still more of the things you'll read just to kill time at work.

First my horoscope for this week from The Onion.

The stars understand that you're upset at them and everything, but it's really not fair to condemn the whole lot just because one of its members gave you skin cancer.

•I’m getting really used to finding Lauren’s hair in the shower, in the sink and in the bed. However, about once a week (and while fully dressed), I’ll feel a slight tickle and inevitably find a stray one clinging to the crack of my ass…Nope, I’ll never get used to that.

•Have you noticed they sell porn (Ok, Playboy and the like) in airport gift shops? 1. Who’s buying this? 2. Just how long of a flight justifies such a purchase? Christ, I feel dodgy flipping through Maxim thinking somebody’s grandmother might be peering over my shoulder.

•Am I the only one that uses his belly-button depth as a weight management index? Yeah, I thought so.

•Why is it that the little blade/slicer thing on the side of the saran wrap box will cut through anything (including major arteries) except for saran wrap? I always end up bleeding, with a wadded-up mess of cling wrap…and moldy food.

•I just learned that after all of these years I have been confusing stalactites and stalagmites. It’s not my fault, however, as I was taught: “Stalagmites are on the ceiling and "mite" fall down. Stalactites are anchored "titely" to the floor.” Stupid public school education.

•I think grown men who spend money on model airplanes or railroads have about 1/32 of a life.

•Whoa, whoa, whoa…Did you know there was a Catholic Feast of the Circumcision? Well, there is. No thanks, I’m really not that hungry.

•To add to the list of things I don’t understand about women: Driving with your knees firmly planted at 5 and 7 rather than your hands at 10 and 2.